Always this, always that…
I always wanted to write, draw, fly, swim, climb. I guess, I just wanted to be free. Not much difference from most if not all people around the world. So, here I am. In my 40s…41 now…yay. I am waiting to get hit by the so-called mid-life crisis. And I think it has arrived. I am doing this and this is not something me. It is something I always wanted to do, but not me.
I hide myself away from the world. Keep my thoughts to myself. Keep my mouth shut and listen most of the time. Have my own conversation in my head. Laugh about it, joke about it, cry about it. All that in my head. I am content…well, for the most part until that ALWAYS feeling kicks in. That feeling of wanting to be heard, seen, and noticed. Too scared, too much, too late….just keep to myself.
Until now.
Life is really too short to be unnoticed, unseen and unheard. It is even shorter to keep lying to myself about who I should be or should become in the future. I change, true, but I am still me. Always me, but never Always me when presented in any way or form. Lying, the shield.
My life is really no different from most. So is my path in it. I am not unique or special. But my feelings tell me otherwise. To be me, is to be different, but in truth, I Always just want to be you. Always you, never me.
So, here I am. Tired of being always that or this. I just want to be seen!
